"I've never been here before." That was what I realized tonight. I have never really quit anything in my life. I have always pushed through. My husband said that my refusal to quit in the past was a sign of character. That is a nice sentiment, but what is going to keep me from quitting this time. Maybe I could keep trying and fail, but that sounds too much like humiliation. I don't like being humiliated. I thought I would be good at being a full-time student. I thought I would enjoy it, but so far it has been a lot more like work. I like to play and create and have fun, and I have found out I am wimp when it comes to really hard work. I probably won't quit, but it sure is humiliating to admit that I want to, and then I don't even have the courage to follow through with that desire.
Oswald Chambers gives perspective to this dilemna:
'We see his glory on the mount, but we never live for his glory there. It is in the sphere of humiliation that we find our true worth to God, that is where our faithfulness is revealed. Most of us can do things if we are always at the heroic pitch because of the natural selfishness of our hearts, but God wants us at the drab commonplace pitch, where we live in the valley according to our personal relationship with Him."